Savin' Me
by darkangelgirl262
Summary: Alec is sick and tired from his life. its just too much for him too take. and to top it all the girl he loves isnt his. what will he do? read on to find out! R


**Disclaimer: I do NOT own any of the characters in Dark Angel. This story is solely for my fun (and my readers!) and I'mnot trying to steal anything! And if I actually DID own DA I would make S3, obviously!**

**Summary: Alec is sick and tired from his life. its just too much for him too take. and to top it all the girl he loves isnt his. what will he do? **

**A/N: so guys, we meet again! This is my first songfic so I hope I got it right. I just love this song and wanted to write it with some character's thoughts coz I thought it really suited the situation… anywayz, plz read on and let me know how I got it. Criticism is highly welcomed, good and bad, because I really want to know what you guys think so I can improve for next times! So have fun, and review when you're done!

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(While on the space needle Alec reflects…)

So it's like this. I'm stuck. Or more specific, lost. I don't know what to do. I'm not so sure what I'm supposed to do, how I'm supposed to act, how to behave. Well, actually, I know how to behave. I know very well how to behave.

I never had this identity crisis. I always knew what to do; I always was in-charge, always in the lead. Everyone trusted me with their lives… I knew my way around.

Now, even though I get along with everyone, it seems like I have no defined purpose – except staying alive, of course. Life at the moment isn't that good. We're on an escape and evade mission with no end apparent. And I don't like that at all.

I'm just sick and tired with hiding. It feels like I got out from the bad, just to end up facing the worse. We are free now. Free… we're not that free when we have to look after our backs with every turn of ours. Or when we need to hide our barcodes. That's not being free. That's hiding. And we're doing it at plain sight.

Kinda ironic don't you think? We got out from Manticore, but we are still somehow captives. We might even be in a worst situation than we were in Manticore.

But then, there are some things that are worth the trouble. For one, being able to sleep how much as we want – that's a nice perk I must say. And hanging out. I mean, just hanging out – not planning missions, or training routines – just talking and laughing and the drinks is a perk too.

But the best thing is the ladies. Oh the ladies. I've explored that area for quit a while – and it was fun, very fun. But now, when I'm after the sense of freedom, and I understand that I'm not really free, the talks and laughs don't matter. The drinks don't matter – and they never even affected me. And even the girls don't do itfor me anymore. I mean, it's not like I don't enjoy the ride, but there is only one girl on mind, and she just won't leave me.

Max

It's so damn frustrating. I don't even understand why it happened. _How_ it happened. I only know that I can't stop thinking about her. Everything I did always ended up with the thought of _what would Max think of that_. And than, at nights, she would be in my dreams. And at the day I would face her. And it sucked.

Don't get the wrong idea I love seeing her. Her small yet intimidating figure. Her perfect curves. Her dark hair, and those big brown eyes.

And all I just want is to her to see me differently. For her to not see me as the screw up she thinks I am. Its true, I got in a few unpleasant situations, and she was always there to save me. And I just whished I could do the same.

When we talked about Ben, I did so. She never told anyone about him, except me. And that thrilled me. She trusted me enough to tell me something she hadn't told anyone. Not even Logan. At that moment I figured, maybe it wasn't such a long shot.

Of course, my chances aren't so high, I mean she doesn't officially have a boyfriend, and she is supposedly with me. But she is still in love with Logan; I can tell by the way she looks at him when they talk. And I just can't stand to pretend to be in love with her, when I really _am_ in love with her. But she's too in love with Logan to see that.

This whole thing is fucked up. My whole life is too damn weird. I got it all, yet I have nothing.

I just don't see the point in living, when there is nothing to live for. All I ever had – and its not that much – is either gone, or just out of reach. So frustrating. And I'm stuck like that for who knows how long. Its like an invisible prison – I can't live, but I just can't die either. But I can't be that selfish. Even though all hope is gone from me, I know there are people depending on me, and I won't let them down. But what's the point if the only one I love doesn't notice me?

_Prison gates won't open up for me  
On these hands and knees I'm crawlin'  
Oh, I reach for you  
Well I'm terrified of these four walls  
These iron bars can't hold my soul in  
All I need is you  
Come please I'm callin'  
And oh I scream for you  
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'_

I know what my problem is. I keep on believing that maybe, just maybe, one day Max will change her mind. Maybe one day she'll see who I really am, what I can be, who I can be. Understand how much I love her. Maybe I'll be better, get better if she wanted me to. I love her that much that I'll do my best to satisfy her. All I need for her is to love me back. Is that so much to ask?

_Show me what it's like  
To be the last one standing  
And teach me wrong from right  
And I'll show you what I can be  
Say it for me  
Say it to me  
And I'll leave this life behind me  
Say it if it's worth saving me_

As I look down at the city below, see its beauty, I appreciate it like I never had before. I never noticed how pretty the city can be at night. But I know that there is no place for me in that city, in that kind of life.

It's not like I don't like to live. I love it. I love everything about it. I get to do all kind of stuff I never did before. It really is exhilarating. But it all seems less without Max around.

She's always around, don't get me wrong. Its just she'll never look at me in _that way,_ y'know. She always tries to figure out a way to be with Logan, even with the virus. And I admire her for her consistency. She'll never let go. Not even from me.

Sure, she still looks at me some times as a screw up, but we are friends now, we respect each other, and trust each other with our lives.

That's sadly funny, because we are genetically engineered super soldiers, bred to kill. And while she works with units, I'm more up to solo and assassin missions. And yet everyone trusts me. Go figure…!

Guess there's no room for me in Heaven. After all, we're only partly human right?

Sometimes, just sometimes, I prefer my animalistic character than my human one. I can't really separate them, but the cat in me is much more in control rather that the human in me. In Manticore, I learnt to depend solely on my cat instincts; there was no room for human feelings and doubts. And I excelled in Manticore.

Out here, in the real world, it feels like I'm relying more on the human in me than the cat. And look where that got me. Guess its time to go feline again… the problem is to find the golden line in between. That I'll feel – happiness, sadness, and all that's in between – but also be careful, that I wont rely on those feelings alone, because I know my instincts are never wrong.

My only problem is to find that line…not an easy task at all, you have my word.

And until I find that line, there is just no way I can keep on living because the pain is just too high. Emotional pain – that's the worst that can be – and it's all I've got.

I'm standing so close to the edge. Some might say too close. But I'm not scared, not from the fall, not from the end. The only thing that scares me is being alone in this hateful world. Funny how much I changed. I used to be a loner, trust only in myself. Now, I can't stop thinking about Max, and my whole balance is disturbed.

I'm starting to give up with this whole damned situation. It's so confusing. In Manticore it was all very clear; out here it's the exact opposite. And as exhilarating as it can be, it still is frustrating. And sometimes I just feel like there is no room for me in the world, I feel like I don't belong. And there is no point with being with someone else when the only one I want is Max. But she doesn't want me.

_Heaven's gates won't open up for me  
With these broken wings I'm fallin'  
And all I see is you  
These city walls ain't got no love for me  
I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story  
And oh I scream for you  
Come please I'm callin'  
And all I need from you  
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'_

Just the thought of her leaves me with a bitter-sweet taste because she is overall my whole world. She is both the reason I want to live and the reason I want to leave. It all comes down to her.

All I ever do, I do to impress her, but few are the times in which I really succeed in that. I just want her to love me the way I love her. But I guess for me that's just too much to ask. But all I ask for is for her to just notice me, for her to see who I am, and who I can be, if only she could love me... because without Max in my life, I would be lost

_Show me what it's like  
To be the last one standing  
And teach me wrong from right  
And I'll show you what I can be  
Say it for me  
Say it to me  
And I'll leave this life behind me  
Say it if it's worth saving me_

Just three words. Eight letters and three syllables. Is that so much to ask for? All I know is that I'll be waiting for her...

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**A/N: after that said, reviews are highly appreciated!**

**A/N: for whoever is interested, the song is called "savin' me" by Nickelback. I suggest you all to hear it coz it's a wonderful song! Review?**


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